Aquaman

“Arthur Curry – The Aquaman – must find his place in both the land and the ocean in order to prevent a war that could engulf both.”

Aquaman

Year: 2018

Director: James Wan

Writers: David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, Will Beall, Geoff Johns, James Wan

Creators: Paul Norris, Mort Weisinger

Starring: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Nicole Kidman (wait, what?), Temuera Morrison, Patrick Wilson (?), Willem Dafoe (whoa, seriously?), Dolph Lungdren (The Dolph’s in this?!?), Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and featuring the voices of Djimon Hounsou, John Rhys-Davies and Julie Andrews…this can’t be real!

When I was in my early teens, discovering comics in that most 90’s of decades, one of my older brother’s friends explained to me, with great gravity, the cardinal rule we were all to follow: You are either with Marvel, or with DC – you cannot be in both camps. As an impressionable lad I took this almost-strangers words to heart, and since I had already started with Superman, I figured my die was cast. In truth I never felt like I had reason to regret that – I have always been drawn to the iconography and mythology surrounding the DC superheroes, and never felt the need to relate strongly to them for their foibles and humanity – the hallmark of their Marvelous competition. When comic book properties started being snatched up and produced for the big screen, however, I noted with interest how eagerly Marvel characters were being thrown at audiences, while the old WB seemed a little slow in doing the same for their own four-colour creations. Sure, I’m on board with The Dark Knight just like everyone else, and I’m even something of an apologist for Superman Returns and The Dark Knight Rises. Like so many other fans, however, I couldn’t help but lamenting the sense that Marvel – from Iron Man onward – seemed to have cracked a winning formula that Warner Bros. just couldn’t match, and threatened to leave my beloved Justice Leaguers obsolete; and while I am not as down on the so-called “Snyder-verse” as some have been, I have long wondered when these film folk were going to wise up, embrace the fact that comics and superheroes have an innate level of ridiculousness to them, and just have some fun.

I never could have suspected that of all films to finally go big…it’s Aquaman that has hit the Joy-Joy for me.

A user review on IMDB starts out by saying: “My impression was that this would be yet another bloated studio tentpole with cheesy dialog, a generic story and artificial looking CGI.” To which I respond…well, yeah. That is all absolutely correct. It also simply does not matter, because I was having such a good time with the film that the many “flaws” on display (and they are certainly there) are overcome by the sheer, visceral sense of fun and adventure. To be fair to “Gogoschka-1”, they continue their review with much the same sentiment as me.

i can’t even bother to recount elements of the plot, or the background of the characters; part of the joy is in the often clumsy ways in which the film feeds the audience. I don’t feel I can talk at length about performances in this film either. This may be the first film I have ever seen in which every single person involved has chosen to bathe themselves in the river of Ham immediately prior to “Action!”. It is a perfectly suitable choice for the material, which we should acknowledge is utterly ridiculous at the source, but is somehow made even moreso by James Wan and his beautifully demented team.

We do have to zero in on the key element that bring this whole gloriously enjoyable mess together. It’s this guy:

I think Jason Momoa is an entirely unique kind of actor. He appears as someone who should have been a big deal in the 80’s, but should be somewhat out of style by now; he has an imposing presence, but is not really threatening; he plays serious men who face serious challenges, but seems to be having so much fun all the time! He embodies the qualities of this film: big, bombastic, engaging and uplifting.

I recall an interview with Peter Jackson in which he discusses films like Evil Dead, 28 Days Later and his own Braindead (or Dead Alive depending on where in the world you may have seen it) and says “Seeing films like this makes you want to get your friends and go make low-budget horror of your own because it looks like fun and it is fun.” Aquaman feels like that statement writ large. James Wan has embarked on a massive studio project with an enormous budget, the weight of producer and fan expectations overshadowing everything, working in with an uncertain franchise, not to mention that his central character is widely regarded as the least popular (or most lame, depending on how generous you’re feeling). None of this should have worked. But it does, and it feels like Wan’s own superpower may be in enabling everyone he gathers around him to have such a good time that it is literally transmitted through the screen into our brains.

Big budget movies, with low budget attitude. How sweet is that?

Honestly, this film makes me reassess my own attitude towards films and filmmakers. I don’t tend to like “reviewing” films, and I certainly don’t like scoring them, as I’m very invested in the idea that movies are so subjective an experience that we’re all better served if we just films make us feel. Filmmaking is a craft, however, or perhaps more accurately a combination of a wide array of crafts, and the practitioners of those crafts are capable, at different times, of maintaining a standard or falling short. Normally, when those failings are obvious, it is cause to lessen the status of the film in question. But somehow, this time, it just doesn’t matter. I don’t care about whether dialogue is cheesy; I don’t care that the CGI is, at times, distracting; I don’t care that the story takes unnecessary turns. In the end…Jason Momoa takes on an army of people riding sharks while he himself rides a tentacled sea monst the size of a skyscraper!

I am so pumped for the sequel.

How To Enjoy It

It’s Surf’n’Turf time! After a lazy afternoon on the beach, fire up the BBQ. Make sure the steaks are Eye Fillet, throw on a healthy number of prawns, if some gifted cooks are among you then make up some of your own calamari rings as well. Make sure there’s plenty of beer (I mean plenty), set up deck chairs and bean bags and project the movie in your backyard.

Small Change – Batman

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Here’s a little something left over from the “…I’m Batman” series.

If you’ve been checking in, and aren’t as totally obsessed by pop-culture as I am, then you may be forgiven for thinking that a regular comic, a couple of TV shows, games, and epically profitable films are the only places you can enjoy the exploits of the Dark Knight.

…well, ok, that’s about right.

But there are a few hidden gems amongst the seemingly limitless supply of stories that kind of got lost over time. Here’s some alternative Bat-snacks between your major motion meals.

(Note: These have all been chosen because, unlike so much else in comic books, you can enjoy these completely as a stand alone treat. The only prior knowledge you need for any of them is that, obviously…he’s Batman!) Continue reading

Cash Cows – “…I’m Batman” Part 5

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It would seem that in the intervening period between this and the previous installment, the folks at Warner Bros. have illustrated better than I ever could the dependability of their Cash-Bat. On this the suits at WB and the MegaZord behemoth that is Disney/Marvel/Lucasfilm/YourChildhood seem to be in total concert, as they definitively prioritise what I hereby establish as Superheroes First Principle:

More on that in a bit. Right now? Continue reading

Cash Cows – “…I’m Batman” Part 4

Right. If we’re being honest (and this is the internet, so of course I expect we all are) this particular slice of the Batman saga has been pretty much talked out to exhaustion. I seriously doubt there is much new insight I can lend that hasn’t already been discussed by legions of highly qualified, incredibly discerning, articulate and level-headed online fans.

So we’ll be somewhat brief today. And we will start with this:

Joel Schumacher is a good director.

And not a half-bad muppet either.

We’re jumping a little bit ahead, so before we get too deep into this potential quagmire, go and check out his IMDB page. Let that list of films percolate in your brain while we get into Batman’s cinematic adventures – or as the suits at WB call them “CHA CHING CHA CHING CHA CHING!” Continue reading

Cash Cows – “…I’m Batman” Part 3

Now let’s see. Where was I? Oh yeah:

National/DC always knew they were onto a good thing with this whole “Tee Vee” thing. While what has become irrevocably known as the “Adam West Show” may have been a mixed bag of quality and camp, it certainly proved there was a huge market to present the four-color heroes to the Saturday morning crowd.

First out of the stables was The Batman/Superman Hour, which, as you can probably tell, didn’t really impact the medium as a benchmark of quality. Most of note about this brief run show (’68-’69) was the fact that the highest billing went to the actor voicing Robin – the legendary Casey Kasem.

Batman/Superman paved the way, however, for the far more enduring Superfriends run from 1977 onward. This series featured not just DC’s biggest guns, but many of the second-tier heroes who would never get a look in of their own, like Hawkman, or Aquaman. Continue reading

Cash Cows – “…I’m Batman” Part 2

Trip the Light Bat-Tastic!

Since I am staunchly opposed to the imbibing of perception-altering psychedelics, and I never went to uni, I have been saddled with an unshakably clear vision of reality that occasionally lacks the vibrancy of color and the growing sense of unease leading to panic and terror.

I never feel like I’m missing out on anything though, because I like comic books.

Bat-fabulous

Continue reading

Cash Cows – “…I’m Batman.” Part I

Do you have any idea how many men have spoken those words?

Not counting the guy who was peeing next to me in the men’s room yesterday…there’s been a lot.

While Warner Bros. may not have the most stellar track record when it comes to their rather abundant supply of comic book properties, there is a pretty solid understanding among the brass that one stands above the rest as the franchise. Since one very canny funny-book creator first put his spin on the pulp hero trope in 1939, the character of Batman has been the subject of constant film, television and comic book versions of the property. Continue reading

Cash Cows – Blade

He has sworn to defend humanity yet he is not entirely human. He possesses the superhuman strength of vampires yet he fights for their annihilation. He is Blade, an immortal warrior born with powers greater than any man or vampire – and he has just one mission: to destroy an army of vampires preying on the human race.

Years: 1998-2004

Directors: Stephen Norrington, Guillermo del Toro, David S. Goyer

Writer: David S. Goyer, Marv Wolfman, Gene Colan

Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Stephen Dorff, Luke Goss, Dominic Purcell, N’Bushe Wright, Leonor Varela, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Norman Reedus, Parker Posey (really?), Arly Jover and RON PERLMAN BABY!

Ok, so it’s been a little while since I did one of these…here goes. Continue reading

Cash Cows – Firefly

Creator/Director: Joss Whedon

Writers: Joss Whedon, Tim Minear, Ben Edlund, Jose Molina

Cast: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Adam Baldwin, Summer Glau, Alan Tudyk, Morena Baccarin, Jewel Staite, Sean Maher, Ron Glass

Years: 2002-2005

“…You can’t take the sky from me.”

Let’s hop in the wayback machine. In 1997 a limited-run program titled Sessions at West 54th presented a live performance of an up and coming band calling themselves “Ben Fold Five”. Host Chris Douridas intorduced them with this brilliantly simple statement: “If you’ve heard these guys perform, you’re a fan. If you haven’t, you’re about to be.”

Ladies and gentlemen… Continue reading

Cash Cows – Predator

Directors: John McTiernan, Stephen Hopkins, Nimrod Antal, Paul W.S. Anderson, The Brothers Strause

Writers: Jim Thomas, John Thomas, Alex Litvak, Michael Finch, Robert Rodriguez, Paul W.S. Anderson, Shane Salerno

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Glover, Kevin Peter Hall, Adrien Brody, Lance Henrickson, Sanaa Lathan, Reiko Aylesworth, Steven Pasquale

Years: 1987-2007

Predator

Ok, seriously…what the hell!?! I’ve spent a whole week looking at AVP: Requiem and I can’t see a damn thing! I mean it – I could never review this film because I can’t actually Continue reading